Becoming Whole

For those who know the lingo, I could be described as having adopted avoidant behavior patterns as a result of how I was raised. More importantly, I can see for myself these patterns in my behavior and have spent time understanding the feelings that prompted these behaviors so I can choose to act differently when I recognize that I'm inclined to behave a certain way.

Some folks go through their entire lives entrenched in the behavior patterns they learned as children. I personally believe that this also influences one's faith, because I believe that God created the family unit to help us (as a race) understand the balance between God's justice and mercy. 

Fortunately, how we've been programmed to think can be deprogrammed and reprogrammed. I believe that's part of God's promise when He promised to "restore what the locusts have eaten".

For me, the process involved getting into tutoring. My goal has been to get as much experience doing ACT/SAT test prep but the bulk of the students I've tutored have been adolescents, and primarily elementary school age. Moreover, I've tended to get assigned the problematic kids because I seem to be able to get these kids to be productive. But working with such children has usually proved to be draining, while working with ideal students tends to actually improve my outlook after a tutoring session. However, this summer I began working with two fraternal twin brothers who might be well cast of the roles of the two brothers in the parable of the prodigal son(s); one brother is diligent and does pretty much as he's told while the other displays all the symptoms of ADHD. I got assigned the ADHD brother as I was told by the scheduler that I seemed to be the most patient with him, which became easier when I depersonalized his behavior and understood how his anxieties provoked his behavior and I found that I actually liked him even though he could be infuriating.

Recently a family of three boys aged 5-10 began sessions. They are all very bright and well behaved. I worked with one of them late last week and I found myself feeling a sense of delight when the thought came unbidden that God delights in me the same way as I become more like the little children we need to become to enter into the kingdom of heaven. The idea is still bumping against all the coping mechanisms I've developed during my childhood, but I have chosen to meditate on this going forward, believing that God is indeed restoring what the locusts have eaten.

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